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  • My age:
  • 33
  • Nationality:
  • Italian
  • I love:
  • Generous guy
  • What is my hair:
  • I have red hair
  • Sign of the zodiac:
  • Gemini
  • What is my figure type:
  • My body type is slim
  • Favourite drink:
  • Stout
  • I prefer to listen:
  • Pop
  • Other hobbies:
  • Mountain climbing


I ed the world of online dating on a whim. I had broken up with my boyfriend of two years and was ready to embark upon the rest of my 20s with a new lease on romance. Someone suggested Tinder.


Heroes come in all circumstances and ages. The prophet tells us, "Your old will have visions; your young will dream dreams. A man I know of 22, halfway to a medical degree, is pursuing ballet dreams in New York City. Some people my age -- extreme middle-age -- train for marathons, or paddle down the Amazon, skydive, or adopt.

They publish for the first time.

7 true online dating horror stories

The thing was, I had just done something brave, which was to write a memoir with my son, tour the East Coast together, and appear on stages before hundreds of people at a time. But one dream coming true doesn't mean you give up on other lifelong dreams. You're not dream-greedy to want, say, a cool career and a mate. And having realized this one long-shot dream with my grown child gave me the confidence to try something even harder: to date. I recoil even from the word "date," let alone the concept of possibly beginning a romantic relationship. Those woods are so spooky. I have an almost perfect life, even though I've been single since my last long-term boyfriend and I broke up four years ago.

We asked for your dating app horror stories. here are your 18 best (worst?) stories

I really do, insofar as that is possible in this vale of tears -- a cherished family, a grandchild, church, career, sobriety, two dogs, daily hikes, naps, perfect friends. But sometimes I am lonely for a partner, a soul mate, a husband. I had loved the sleeping alone part. I rarely missed sex: I had tiny boundary issues in all those years of drinking, and by my early 20s I had used up my lifelong allotment.

I over-served myself. I do love what Wodehouse called the old oompus-boompus when it happens to be in progress, but wouldn't go out of my way.

Online dating horror stories

Additionally, I have spent approximately 1, hours of this one precious life waiting for the man to finish, and pretending that felt good. And I want a refund. What I missed was checking in all day with my person, daydreaming about him, and watching TV together at night. There, I've said it: I wanted someone to text all day, and watch TV with.

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I am skittish about relationships, as most of the marriages I've seen up close have been ruinous for one or both parties. In four-fifths of them, the men want to have sex way more often than the women do. I would say almost none of the women would care if they ever got laid again, even when they are in good marriages. They do it because the man wants to. They do it because it makes the men like them more, and feel close for a while, but mostly women love it because they get to check it off their to-do lists.

It means they get a pass for a week or two, or a month. Also, 91 percent of men snore loudly — badly, like very sick bears.

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I would say that CPAP machines are the greatest advance in marital joy since the vibrator. It transforms an experience similar to sleeping next to a dying silverback gorilla into sleeping next to an aquarium. And the women are not crazy about the men's secret Internet porn lives. But perhaps we will discuss this at another time. Yet union with a partner -- someone with whom to wake, whom you love, and talk with on and off all day, and sit with at dinner, and watch TV and movies, read together in bed, do hard tasks together, and to be loved by.

Online-dating horror stories

That sounds really lovely. I had experienced varying degrees of loneliness since my guy and I split up. After our breakup, I had just assumed there would be a bunch of kind, brilliant, liberal, funny guys my age to choose from. There always had been before. Surely my friends would set me up with their single friends, and besides, I am out in the public a lot doing events at bookstores and political gatherings, the ideal breeding ground for my type of guy.

But I hadn't met anyone. People don't know single guys my age who are looking for single women my age. A year-old man does not fantasize about a year-old woman. A year-old man might. And an year-old -- ooh-la-la. I went onto Match.

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They're hard, after the first trimester. People are damaged and needy and narcissistic. I sure am. Also, most men a single woman meets have been separated or divorced for about 20 minutes.

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The man of my most recent long-term relationship, whom I'd been with nearly seven years, was in a new, committed relationship about three weeks after we split up. So I ed up at Match. This — subscribing -- means you can communicate with people at the site, instead of just studying the profiles, questionnaires, preferences and photographs for free.

I subscribed and answered the questions. My preferences are smart, funny, kind, into nature, God, reading, movies, pets, family, liberal politics, hiking; I prefer sober, or sober-ish. So the first morning, eight profiles of men varying in age from 54 to 63 arrived by.

Most seemed pretty normal, with college degrees, which I don't have, but certainly meant to; some attractive, mostly divorced but some like me, never married, some witty, some dating horror stories, sort of like real life. Curiously, almost without exception, they were "spiritual but not religious.

But I have come to learn that this means they think of themselves as friendly. They are "glass half-full kind of people. They like to think that they are "closest to Buddhism," and "open to the magic that is all around us.

The frequent reference to wanting a non-judgmental woman makes a girl worry: What if you're pretty non-judgmental, but then Larry Craig asks you out for coffee, or Buzz Bissingerand little by little, more is revealed? A strangely high of them mention that they hope you've left your baggage at the airport -- because, I guess, they are all well! I love this so much. Eight new guys arrived every day, along with a remnants section of men who lived pretty far away. fails greek goddess

Some of my eight guys were handsome, if you could believe their profiles, and in my case the profiles tended to be pretty legitimate. They mentioned that they drank moderately, or never, or socially the most you can admit to. There is no way to check for "drinks alcoholically".

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For my maiden voyage, I had coffee with an accomplished local man, who said his last girlfriend had been religious, a devout Jew, and this had driven him crazy. I said I was probably worse. We parted with a hug. I selected a nice-looking Englishman with grown children for my second date.

L.a. affairs: i was the world’s pickiest dater. and no guy could ever stack up

He said he had a good sense of humor, loved movies. He was, perhaps, the tiniest bit fat. I don't care much about weight, or hair loss. I ed, and we arranged to meet at a Starbucks halfway between our homes, on a Sunday morning before my church. This is a true story: He was 10 minutes late, and shaken, because he had just seen a fatal motorcycle accident on the Richmond San Rafael Bridge. He had stopped to inspect the body, because he was worried that it was his son, although his son rode a dramatically different brand of motorcycle.

He had gotten out, talked to the police, and gotten a peek at the corpse. This sort of put the kibosh on things for me. I recommended that we reschedule to a day when he hadn't seen any dead people.

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He wanted to proceed. I got him a nice cup of tea. I liked him, though, and we exchanged adorable and kicky s, arranging another date, for sushi, and he was lively, cultured and sort of charming. But at lunch, he accidentally forgot to ask me anything about my life during the first 45 minutes of the conversation.

It was fascinating, that we did not get around to me until that one question. Then I got cut off. The next guy was also highly cultured, a creative venture capitalist, who was familiar with my work, and turned out to be a truly excellent conversationalist. We had a coffee date, a long walk on the beach, a candlelit dinner, texts and s in between, definite chemistry, and then I didn't hear from him for five days.

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If I wanted to go for five days without hearing from a man with whom I had chemistry and three almost perfect dates, I would repeat junior high. My friends were great. They turned on the man immediately.

My year on

Of course, I mostly talked to my single friends and to Sam about Match. They knew how brave it was of me to go on dates. I was their role model. This pattern repeated -- a flurry of dates, followed by radio silence on the man's part -- and made me mourn the old days, when you met someone with whom you shared interests, chemistry, a sense of humor, and you started going out. After a while -- OK, who am I kidding, sometimes later that day -- you went to bed with him, and then woke up together, maybe shyly, and had a morning date.

Then you made plans to get together that night, or the next, or over the weekend. But that is the old paradigm. Now, if you have a connection with a Match. Every few weeks, I went out with a new man and practiced my dating skills — i.

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