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In a non-threatening way, you need to emphasize that a the marriage is the primary relationship in this house.
That means mom needs to be respectful of you at all times. If she wants to run her mouth off, she needs to do that with her friends, not your wife, and not in your home.
Your wife and mother do not seem to have moved on to an adult relationship. They still function as mommy-daughter. So when you have a discussion with both of them, mom in law dominate. So never have a group discussion, ie, both wife and mom together.
Mom in law is being disrespectful. She is relying on her heritage when it suits her. This is not an ethnic issue at all.
This is a nasty bitch passive-aggresive older woman who likes to control everything in her domain. You need to have a one-on-one with her and discuss just what the fuck is going on? Afterwards, you should suggest a movie nights. All of you should watch "I dismember mama", "Mommy Dearest", and "Psycho".
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