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W hen it comes to relationshipsconflict is inevitable. Couples can disagree and, yes, even fight while still showing compassion and respect for each other, according to psychologists. That said, frequent heated and hurtful conflict is certainly not healthy or sustainable, either. You can have conflicts with your partner in a constructive way, and it may actually bring you closer together, according to a paper published by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology. Researchers found that expressing anger to a romantic partner caused the short-term discomfort of anger, but also incited honest conversations that benefited the relationship in the long run.
In fact, experts say there are some common relationship fights that mean you should probably break up with your partner.
1. when one partner is regularly dishonest
As psychotherapist Cherrelle N. While fighting with your partner is only natural, how you fight, how often you fight, and what you fight about can make a huge difference between a lasting relationship and one that will eventually fail. According to Shorter, many couples struggle with knowing how to deal with conflict in a productive way, which le to frequent tiffs over the same issues. If you are fighting with your partner a lot about important things — like fidelity, money, marriage, life goals, jealously, and the like — now might be the right time to examine whether the relationship is truly working.
If a fight is ensuing over any of these 14 reasons, it might mean you should consider breaking up, according to experts. Of course, there will be white lies here and there e.
If you and your partner are regularly fighting because one of you is dishonest when it comes to the big things — like where you spent the night — s could be pointing towards a breakup. When fights start to pop up because you feel your values are being compromised in your relationship, this is a red flag.
Jealously has a bad connotation for a reason — it can play against a relationship in a major way. Fights due to jealously can tear a relationship apart and may even lead to controlling behavior. As David Simonsen, Ph. For instance, money tends to be a source of problems for many couples.
If one partner wants to save money for a future with kids and a nice house, but the other wants to spend it on traveling or material items, it's going to cause problems. If not, there will be constant fights and hurt in the relationship. Are you and your partner fighting a lot over the fact that friends, work, and hobbies take priority over spending time together? If so, the relationship may not last.
You have to walk the walk and talk the talk. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes you really can't help what you say in the heat of the moment.
But as a Cheryl Muirdating and relationship coach, tells Bustle, sure s of an unhealthy conflict are when one or both parties inflict damage, create a deliberate lack of safety, or make comments that threaten the stability of the relationship. In short, during fights you say and do things you know will hurt your partner deeply.
If your fights stem from being consistently ignored, belittled, disregarded, or criticized, it may mean the end of your relationship. This includes people who insist on being the victim in the relationship, instead of taking responsibility or clearly stating what they want.
According to her, "Safe relationships don't require mind-reading. They require a willingness to have conflicts that adhere to safety rules. If you and your partner are fighting a lot over one of you having a wandering eye, you might want to reevaluate the relationship. As Christie Tcharkhoutian, Ed. As Edie Weinsteina d social worker who specializes in helping couples, tells Bustle, "People are not generally angry for the reasons they think they are.
2. when you & your partner want different things from the relationship
Fights about money, intimacy, housekeeping responsibilities, or raising children often have their roots in either or both feeling unheard, unseen, and unappreciated. If nothing changes, then it may be time to consider breaking up. Differences make a relationship interesting. But if your differences are causing a lot of tension in the relationship, it may be a that you and your partner are incompatible.
As Lisa Concepcionrelationship coach and founder of LoveQuest Coaching, tells Bustle, constantly fighting over your lifestyles might mean that you should probably break up. For instance, if you tell your partner that you need to be in bed by a reasonable time every week night and they respond by arguing, you may want to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship.
Although it may seem like a simple issue, Concepcion says it could be indicative of something more. If neither partner is willing to compromise, you may be better off breaking up. In relationships, disagreements are inevitable. But according to Lesli Doaresmarriage coach and author, fighting is always a choice.
If this is something that happens regularly in your relationship, it may not be the right one for you. You choose it. You control it. According to India Simmsd marriage and family therapist, you can disagree without bringing one another down. According to Daniels, the key ingredient in any relationship is the ability and the willingness to work through issues. Sara Russellrelationship coach.
Cheryl Muirdating and relationship coach. Susan Trombettimatchmaker and relationship expert. Lisa Concepcionrelationship coach and founder of LoveQuest Coaching.
Cherrelle N. David Simonsen Ph. Jana Edwardsd clinical social worker who specializes in treating couples. Chloe Greenbaum, Ph. Edie Weinsteind social worker. Christie Tcharkhoutian, Ed. Lesli Doaresmarriage coach and author.
This article was originally published on May 18, By Erica Florentine and Kristine Fellizar. Updated: June 9, Originally Published: May 18, See All Health Relationships Self.