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July 23, News » News Features.
On a recent white-hot afternoon, I cornered Rosemary Benitez in a quiet spot in her couples-friendly, family-owned adult boutique, Shades of Love. The shop is feminine, colorful, and cozy despite the occasionally lurid merch packaging — a perfect setting for a chat about gender relations, Texas politics, sexual liberation, spirituality, the recent Fifth Circuit ruling legalizing sex toys in Texas, and the rigors of running a successful family business.
Petite and pretty, with a dynamite hourglass figure, a killer dress sense, a fashion-forward bob, and a welcoming smile ringed in pinup-perfect scarlet lipstick, Rosemary Benitez is one hot missionary. In addition, Rosemary Benitez is an impassioned sex educator, an encouraging friend to the repressed and the shy, and a genuine hometown evangelist for sexual health and happiness.
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And she knows it. I found I can talk to people, and they talk to me right away. Shades of Love is a genuine family enterprise, by the way. Second-oldest Rita Delgado is the majority owner of Shades of Love, while the oldest sister, due to her City-agency job, would prefer, understandably, to be known as Big Sis for the purposes of this article.
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But she sees herself as more than an un-bashful sex-shop co-proprietor. The Shades of Love sisters want the shop to be a multi-generational resource for sexual health. Benitez and her siblings feel no conflict whatsoever between their family values and their sex-positivity. I had to talk her out of that. The other tenants in the shopping center at Bitters and West Avenue drummed up an unsuccessful petition once the adult-novelty angle of their store was known, and cops have made occasional forays into Shades of Love, complaining, of all things, about the exposed nipples on the tasteful nude paintings adorning the store.
How did Shades of Love build a clientele, I ask?
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Before her Shades of Love days, Rosemary was a stay-at-home mom of three young boys, married to their father for 16 years. This is it. What advice would she give couples like these? People get so goal-oriented, like it has to end in intercourse.
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Just have a nice evening! A dinner, a bath, and let him know, let her know, this is just to relax. It takes women a lot longer to get all warmed up. Often, this approach works.
Rosemary has painful, first-hand experience. His side of the family is very, very religious. Very Catholic. I want that real, passionate love. Towards the end of her first marriage, Rosemary experienced a middle-of-the-night revelation. But one night, I was sleeping on the couch, and I woke up suddenly and just felt God saying to me the thing I always told other people: You make the same mistakes until you learn from them. Suddenly I knew it was me who was repeating the same mistake.
I finally get it. Still, Rosemary remains sympathetic to the sexual concerns of marriage, an institution she still deeply believes in. She alone has … sluttanized the whole country. Rosemary hopes that addressing the insecurities of the Mom generation will help heal the neuroses of their daughters. Body image is one multigenerational bugaboo, of course. This state of affairs has inspired Rosemary to host an ongoing series of seminars in the shop, one of the most popular of which instructs women how to strip for their lovers.
The focus is less on Maxim-inspired pole-dancing antics than it is on personal empowerment. You pick somebody, like Sophia Loren, or anybody who you want to emulate.
I tell women, too: Walk into a building like you own it. And the more you act it, the more you start to become more confident. And sometimes, manual stimulation does not do it. A massager will get that blood flow to those nerve endings again. Women come in here with doctor referrals after surgery! I think if anything, we help people to take care of themselves. No pills! After some veggie lasagna and a couple of bottles of wine, the mommies were across-the-board enthusiastic about Passion Parties. Just ask Joanne Webb, a Burleson, Texas, mom and Passion Parties hostess, as well as a former fifth-grade teacher active in her local Southern Baptist church.
The case was subsequently dropped, but not before making national headlines. Sure enough, according to a December Forbes.
As a native San Antonio girl, this ranking makes some intuitive sense to me. The aggregate picture Forbes paints of San Antonians is of impressively enthusiastic horndogs, but with a dangerous tendency to hunker down on our ever-expanding butts while obsessing about real or imagined rivals. San Antonians love sex, and numerous medical studies have correlated good sex with good health. Getting bus-ay reduces stress, boosts immunity, boasts calorie-burning cardiovascular benefits, improves sleep, and builds relationship intimacy.
For women, masturbation strengthens the pelvic floor muscles thus preventing urinary incontinence in later lifeincreases orgasmic response with a partner, and eases menstrual cramps, while males doing the Han Solo may reduce their risk of prostate cancer. San Antonio resident Eva Longoria publicly touts sex toys as a surefire route to satisfaction.
I bought my first vibrator three years ago. Now I give Rabbit vibrators to all my girlfriends. They scream when they unwrap it. The best gift I can give them is an orgasm. Well-organized and clean, the Megaplexxx felt no more lascivious or personal than an outing to Target. A Target full of plastic weenies and latex vajayjays; efficient, convenient, and decidedly corporate.
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